To Be or Not to be Dramatic

So today I would like to blog about perception. That is how we perceive drama and how it or if it defines the person it encompasses.

I have always felt that drama is one of those things that happens around you. Just one of those things we all have to learn to deal with. Not many of you know this and I won't bore you with the details, but for me since about the age of 18 months I can scarcely remember a time when my life was not filled with some sort of tragedy or inundation. There-in you could say that my life has been filled with a lot of drama. Although, I had no direct influence on these circumstances, my drama was merely what was going on around me. I am of the opinion that that factor does not make me a dramatic person because I don't choose to involve people in it. I usually only tell my closest friends when things are going wrong in my life, or in my more current circumstance the update on the sort of topsy-turvey cataclysm that is my life. In fact the only time I even reference those past circumstances in my life is when I want someone to understand something about me, because our experiences do indeed make us who we are. Or if I want them to know I truly understand what they're going through.

Today however, in speaking to a co-worker she made the statement " I don't understand how anyone could have that much drama going on in there life" which was in reference to another co-worker who is very open about her personal life. She then went on to say that she thought this person must be doing something to attract so much drama, and just must be a dramatic person. She also said this must be true of all people who had a lot of drama because she herself didn't have that much and she just simply couldn't understand how anyone else could. And although I have never told her anything really personal about myself, so I knew I wasn't included in her generalization her statement still bothered me.

It bothers me because it points to a sort of societal view that some people just attract drama, or are just in and of themselves dramatic, and some somehow cause that drama for themselves. In psychology they call that the "blaming the victim attributional bias" and they say people do it because it's easier for them to rationalize bad things happening to people who deserve it, rather than bad things just unfortunately happening to good people who haven't done anything to deserve it. It is indeed easier for someone who has an easier existence to wrap their mind around I'm sure. It is on a broader scale referred to as the "just-world hypothesis" which simply stated means that people seem to assume the world is fair and therefore people get what they deserve and deserve what they get. But is it fair and true to assume these things? I will say wholeheartedly NO. I of course told her point-blank if what she said were true than I was also very dramatic. She of course said "you?" and sort of laughed in disbelief. I then simply assured her it was true sort of laughing, then paused and asked her what she thought our fellow co-worker might of done to attract drama in her life. She thought about it for a few moments and said she didn't know, but she knew as a single mother she didn't even have that much drama so again our fellow co-worker must be doing something. I laughed knowing her next comment would be something to the affect of karma, and I of course was right.

I think it should be said that when a co-worker tends to talk about their personal drama, I listen and try to say something reassuring. But I tend to be a very compassionate and emphathetic person, probably because I have had so much happen in my own life. And after working with someone day in and day out it only makes sense that people will sometimes take things to a more human level. Now I am not really the type to be so open, in fact my friends have to specifically ask me about something if they want to know how I am doing because I don't really tend to readily divulge that information. Which is funny because I am usually the person people come to or call to talk to about things. Of course that may be because I am actually one of those people that if I ask how you are, I genuinely want to know the answer. It annoys me when people say "How are you" when they mean "Hello".

NOW there are a whole lot of very dramatic people out there. I think prime examples are people who react to every dilemma as if it were a full blown catastrophe. Examples could be people who consistently complain about everything and anything in there life to everyone and anyone who will listen. Examples: They broke a nail, and all is lost. They are heartbroken after breaking up with boyfriend#3 this month, and their whole world is going to end. They are 19 or 20 and not married, and their whole life is over.They often respond to every trial with "oh no, what ever will I do", rather than just dealing with it. Hypochondriac(those people crack me up) People who have a crisis directly because of something they did or didn't do. A sort of natural cause and affect drama queen. You know the ones, they complain about being tired because they were out late the night before drinking, which is often followed up with my friend is in jail now or got beat up. You'd think those people might wake up and realize the majority of the drama centers around their alcohol problem. You know stuff like that.

I don't however think it's fair to say people who don't have any influence on the drama in their life fall into this category. For example my coworker who supposedly was dramatic, came into work one day last week very tired. The night before someone had tried to break into her 17 yr olds car and broke the window. They didn't steal the car because her son yelled "I've called the police and they're on the way", and then the perps ran away. The police of course were reluctant to come out because there was no longer a crime in progress and were hard-pressed just to come out and do a report. This week she is tired because she was in the hospital most of the night with her mother who had to have emergency surgery. I don't think that my co-worker could have possibly done anything or have caused those things. I think some stuff just happens. Sometimes a lot of stuff happens, which is why the old saying goes "Bad things come in threes". We have all heard that before I am sure.

I am also of the firm belief that whether or not you tend to be a dramatic person can be determined by how you deal with the stress in your life. Personally I tend to be a very proactive person when it comes to stress in my life. I keep myself busy. My stress manifests itself into energy I use to create. I paint, write stories, sing, write music or lyrics, draw, or any other possible arts and craft thing I can get my hands on. Most of you know I am rarely seen without my knitting these days. I also love to exercise. Exercise releases your natural endorphins and makes you naturally feel better if you are stressed or upset. If I am sad I call my Grandma or someone I care about and ask them about their day. I don't usually tell them about my troubles but just talking to them about what's going on in their life usually makes me feel better. When I am really sad I call a friend and talk to them about it, but that is exceedingly rare. I have to be really really sad to do that. I also laugh a lot. I like to think I have for the most part a great sense of humor about my self. If I fall or trip I laugh, and usually make a joke about it. In fact, I do laugh a lot at myself or at some of the silly things I do sometimes.( Case in point, Megan I will never forget the time we ah"Fell for each other", that was the best. ) I can also find humor in most anything, that's why it is very important to me to find someone for the future who I can really laugh with. I want a lot of laughter in my home. I also like to involve my self in acts of service. I really enjoy helping other people and have been involved in those type of activities for as long as I can remember. I also try to keep my home a sanctuary. That way when the world is falling down around me I always know I have a haven at home. I also practice relaxation techniques. I love yoga, and candles, and my oil burner. In fact I love to take long warm baths. I use bath beads, or salts, or bubblebath. I have candles which hang from the ceiling in my bathroom, on shelves, and all around. Candles are not just hung in the bathroom though, I have different candles throughout the house. Truth be told, last week, I lit all the candles in the bathroom, threw in some bath beads, lit lavender in the oil burner, put on some soft music, and read love poems to candlelight so perfect I could almost hear my grandma scolding me I was going to ruin my eyesight to. It was positively heavenly. Also I surround myself with the people I love as often as possible. One of the many reasons I love church so much. I love to feel the spirit and the Lords hand in my life, so in times of heartache or trouble I most often turn to the Lord. I can remember when things were so bad around me that all I could do to find peace was read my scriptures and pray. It was the only way I could get my tormented mind and saddened heart to let go of my troubles long enough so that I could get to sleep. That still holds true to be my greatest solace even now. I am truly enjoying the challenge President Hinkeley gave us to read The Book of Mormon by the end of the year. These are just some of the ways I have learned cope with life's' stresses and channel them positively.

It should be noted that people who positively deal with their stress have better immune systems and get sick less often. They have also in the medical community found that people who do not deal with stress in a positive manner don't heal as quickly as others who do deal with it positively. For those of you who were in church last Sunday one of our speakers referenced some of these statistics in reference to prayer, which is a great way to deal with drama I think.

So in closing I would like to say that I think that it is unfair to assume that people who have a lot of drama or stress or whatever in their life have somehow brought it on themselves. There are of course plenty of drama queens and we all know at least one but I think they should only be defined as such if they have direct influence over the drama in their life. We lose all compassion if we start assuming people just deserve whatever they get. We should all however ask ourselves how much of our drama is self-imposed and how much is uncontrollable. If most of it is within your influence you might be drama queen. Whatever the case try to deal with it positively and feel free to use my stress/drama coping techniques. Above all though please don't (and not that any of you don't this) assume that that person did something and that's why they have that particular drama. Don't let yourself label them as being fundamentally dramatic. Instead just try to remember charity, and the pure love of Christ when dealing with the dramatics of other people, whether it be self-imposed or situational

Well I love you all, now I think I'm going to go relax :-)

Crystle